I HAVE a busy schedule every day. I work from four to six hours in a publishing house, work with my computer for long hours to write articles for a local magazine, read textbooks and photocopied cases for my law studies, and manage with my wife a household full of three inquisitive and active kids.
I am rather a part-timer with each of my present roles. (But aren’t we all in this age of multi-tasking?) And with my current situation, I lost my precious time for sleep and extra time for pleasure (reading good books, watching blockbuster movies in DVDs, having beer sessions with my relatives or peers). But the good thing is, I don’t have time to be bored. Multi-tasking has always been a perfect antidote to boredom or a justification to beat the mad rush in this modern world. But for a price, and a heavy one indeed on the family.
I admit I have less time for my kids. I may be present for them every day, but only a physical presence looming before them so that they have to behave in my presence. As if to say, if I am around, they must study their lessons very well, they must not make unnecessary noise while I work at home, they must listen to their Mom, and do this and that, or else I’ll impose a sanction on them, or a heavy dose of scolding when necessary.
I had promised them that Sunday would be for fun and relaxation, for mass, and a good time to cook and serve them their favorite dishes. But for the past three years (or since I resigned from a regular job to pursue my law studies, just a year after my wife also left work to look after the kids) I had rarely fulfilled these promises, if not at all, because even when I didn’t have take-home jobs for the weekend, I did extensive research in the Net for my articles and my case readings, or had to attend make-up classes in the college. I would just be contented with the thought that those goodnight kisses before they sleep on nights when I come home early after a suspended or shortened class, or goodbye kisses when they go to school in the morning, and when I brought them pasalubong (donut and pizza are all-time favorites) would make them think that all's well with Dad after all. But am I really sure that they are not complaining with this setup?
One time I come across this story from the Net, an appropriately symbolic story for my situation. It is about a little boy who waited for his dad until he came back from work. His dad was surprised to see him still awake at 10 in the evening and asked him why he had not slept. The boy told his dad that he had an important question for him.
His dad told him that he was so tired and had to answer his “important” question in the morning. The boy told his dad that he needed a quick answer to his question, which disturbed him and prevented him from sleeping. Finally, at his son's insistence, the father gave in. “How much do you earn per hour, Dad?” asked the little boy.
“Is that your important question? I earn 20 dollars per hour, son,” answered the father, shocked by the question. His son pulled a little bag from under his pillow and said, with a big smile all over his face, “Can you loan me two dollars, Dad?”
The father was upset but he gave the boy two dollars. “But we need to discuss this tomorrow,” he said. Nevertheless, the boy took the two dollars and pulled more money from his bag, mostly quarters and nickels, and started counting. Then he gave the money to his father while saying, “Here is 20 dollars, Dad. Can you please give me an hour of your time?”
It is a very simple story, but it delivers a very important message about the importance of spending time with your family, especially with the younger ones. It shows how children cherish every precious time they can have with their dad. I felt ashamed of myself when I realized that I have become a mechanical wage-earner providing only the material needs of my family. And sometimes, when my resolve to earn for the family was waylaid by some domestic problems, or conflicts in the office, I burst out like a dormant volcano and all the more I would shut myself out from the peering eyes of my kids. I had become oblivious of the passing days that I must have spent with them. And I had been so sensitive with my feelings and less with their feelings.
It happened not only once that I dismissed my children when they approached me in separate occasions and asked questions while I was busy with my work. With my rigid rules, my kids would rarely come to me again to ask about things, unless they have problems with their assignments, but most of the time I told them to go to their Mom for that bit of information. Or I would just give them a short answer bereft with explanations.
Thanks for the story, and subsequent day-long ruminations of my life as a father, I got a new resolve to change my ways and spend more time with my kids. I thought I have missed the fun part of being a father, like playing with them, hugging, listening, sharing activities and just goofing around.
I recalled the times when I would always answer the questions of my kids during the separate times they were toddlers. And how I’d loved seeing them flashing their toothless grins when I replied to their queries, from the highly philosophical (why there is God or where God is) to the absurd (what made the housefly pregnant or how ants lay eggs). But those were the days before I was swamped with work.
That’s why when my ten-year-old asked me why prices go up these days, I answered him as scholarly as a dedicated teacher can do to his inquisitive pupil. And only last week, he saw me browsing the Encarta dictionary for the meaning of a word. He asked: “Dad, why are you using the dictionary? I thought you have known all those words in there.” I smiled, not for his outright mistake, but for his innocence and his terrible impression of me as a genius.
Time will come my kids will no longer ask questions as frequent as they do now. They may keep their questions to themselves or may ask somebody else. Or they may have learned so much that they no longer see the need of asking me. From a know-it-all Dad, I would retrogress to a “doesn’t really know quite everything” Dad, then to a “doesn’t know everything” Dad. So while I am on that first stage, I must get the most of it by replying to all their questions and be the know-it-all Dad for them, even for a time.
I hope with proper time management and a firm resolve, I can show them more affection, communicate affirmation, and give them attention. And while nurturing them, I must enjoy being a father and let my children enjoy belonging to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment